MERRY CHRITHMITH AND HAPPY HOLLANDAISE

It’s that time again.

A time to transform hearth and home into a hellscape of landfill-bound fripperies.

A time to trade the quinoa salads and avocado ice cream for mom’s deep-fried mac ‘n cheese balls stuffed with pizza rolls stuffed with a molten core of sugar-soaked gummy worms.

And perhaps most importantly, a time to offer moonlit sacrifices of cured grinch hides and spiced elf organs to the dimension-hopping Antediluvian demi-god Santa Claus and his battalion of bionic beast-deer-creatures forged in the Third Epoch of Prehistory to do battle with the dead-eyed demon prince Krampus for command of the multiverse—

You know what? This is pretty irrelevant. Moving on.

What I really wanted to say was . . .

MERRY CHRITHMITH AND HAPPY HOLLANDAISE!

I hope you and yours are relishing many moments of joyous merriment and reveling in all of their pine-scented, butter-lubed, and tinsel-laden glory.

And what will next year bring?

Will the “I’m not a crook just an idiot” defense exonerate Scam Bankrun-Fraud and his owl-faced polyamorous collaborator?

Will the two weeks of transitory, safe and effective, and mostly peaceful inflation finally end?

Will we find ourselves spearing mutated acid hogs in the blasted ruins of Toad Suck, Arkansas?

Who can know?

At any rate, my merry band of mice and men . . . and women . . . have laid wondiferous plans for 2023 that’ll get you purring like a dog that ate a happy cat, including . . .

  • New and upgraded products to instabuy, including an energy drink, protein cookie, Pulse and Recharge improvements (new ingredients!), apparel, and more.
  • New flavors of existing products to take a flier on, including rainbow sherbert and pina colada Pulse; apple pie, coconut cream, and frosted cereal Whey+; sour candy and arctic blast Recharge; and more.
  • New sales channels and international shipping options to better separate you from your coinage, including Amazon UK, WalMart.com, and Target.com.
  • New content to graze on, including fourth editions of my books Bigger Leaner Stronger and Thinner Leaner Stronger, new website tools, blog articles, podcasts, and more.

And that’s just the quick hose down, of course—many details to follow.

Oh and because this can’t be said enough:

Bless your cotton socks for your support.

Really.

If this were another era, I’d build a temple to your glory, tear out my eyes with a ceremonial spoon, become your oracle, prophesy the doom of all who oppose you, and sing hymns about your nascent godhood with my tongueless mouth.

But alas, this is the Current Year, and so, if it pleases Your Grace, I offer my eternal gratitude instead.

YES, ETERNAL 👏 GRATITUDE 👏

AS IN, MY SPECTRAL SERVICE ACROSS THE INFINITY OF SPACE AND TIME.

Like it, love it, rub it all over yourself. 

Oh, and one more thing:

For the sake of Santa’s sacred nipples, don’t count calories on Christmas.

Feast. Drink. Hug your loved ones. Hakuna matata.

*moonwalks*

*disappears*

Mike

P.S. More than a few people have said they want to get me a gift for the holidays, which is a sweet gesture . . . unless it’s a box of Maricopa harvester ants . . . no, the thought doesn’t count . . . and to that I say:

If you want to get me something, then maybe buy a copy of one of my books? Or leave a review for one of them wherever you buy books online?

We authors love to sell books. And get reviews. 

In fact, the only reason you’re receiving this email is because many kind people started doing both of those things ten years ago when I released the first edition of Bigger Leaner Stronger, so either of them would really tickle the reptilian pleasure centers of my brain this Christmas.

The post MERRY CHRITHMITH AND HAPPY HOLLANDAISE appeared first on Legion Athletics.

https://ift.tt/shOqTon December 25, 2022 at 06:00PM Legion Athletics

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

How to Stock Your Fridge for Balanced Eating

Image
How to Stock Your Fridge for Balanced Eating Learn how to stock your fridge for balanced eating so it’s really easy for you to make balanced meals with what you have on hand. Setting your environment up for success is key to maintaining balanced eating habits for the long-term, even when life is busy, stressful, or you’re out of your normal routine. Our Mindful Nutrition Method students know that maintaining the balance they’d like to have is so much easier when they make it easier to follow through, and having balanced options in your fridge is one simple way to make that possible! Additionally, all our Mindful Nutrition Method students get a full video tour of how to stock your pantry, fridge, freezer, and kitchen along with some other amazing bonus video lessons. Are you interested in these bonuses? Watch the free masterclass to learn more! It’s an amazing feeling to open up a fridge full of your favorite nourishing whole foods just waiting to be used in your next meal or snac...
Read more

The Case for Floundering and Quitting

Comparing yourself to other fitness folk is a sure way to feel lousy.  There’s always someone who looks better, lifts more weight, and has more of whatever you want. The deck is stacked. You can’t win. So turn your gaze inward instead, looking only at who you were, are, and hope to become. Everyone wants to tell you what to do, too–what to eat, what not to eat, what burns fat, what doesn’t, what’s evidence-based, what isn’t. But ultimately, whatever works for you is valid. Your fitness is yours. To explore. To evolve. To enjoy.  So don’t let anybody railroad you into a lifestyle that doesn’t serve you. And don’t be afraid to allow that lifestyle to evolve in step with your goals and priorities. You know your needs. Trust yourself. You don’t have to get it right the first time, either. Or the second. You have as many chances to lose fat and build muscle as you’d like.  And guess what?  It’s okay to flounder, too. Some days, you’ll try to weigh anchor, but the wi...
Read more

The Best Workout Shirts for Men in 2023

Image
Investing in quality gym shirts is paramount for any serious weightlifter. While bad workout shirts feel stiff and stuffy and hinder your training, good workout tops keep you cool and comfortable so you can perform at your best.  In this article, you’ll discover the best men’s workout shirts , including the best long-sleeve workout shirt , sports T-shirt, oversized workout shirt, and more.  (Affiliate Disclosure: All products we review reflect the research and opinion of our editors. We sometimes receive the products we review for free, and when you make a purchase using the links in this article, we may earn an affiliate commission at no extra cost to you.)  Table of Contents The Best Workout Shirts for Men Best Overall Men’s Workout Shirt: Legion Premium Workout Tees Pros Cons Best Weightlifting Shirt: A7 Crest Bar Grip Shirt Pros Cons Most Durable Lifting Shirt: EliteFTS Tagline Tee Pros Cons Best Sleeveless Workout Shirt: Nike Men's Dri-FIT Rea...
Read more